DON’T BE THAT GUY: DYING TO GET MARRIED GUY

MMD June 11, 2014 0
DON’T BE THAT GUY: DYING TO GET MARRIED GUY

Within the male species lie several subspecies. Some are at the top of the food-chain while others are filthy bottom feeders, the lowest on the totem pole. Today we will be discussing a subspecies so perverse and unrepresentative of the male species that many attempts have been made to sever all ties and end the embarrassment which they have cast upon us. This has proven difficult given their clingy ways and incessant need for attention so they remain a sect that is not oft spoken of within the male species. I feel a duty to expose these effeminate bastards once and for all, hoping to either embarrass them into hiding or scare them into adopting more masculine ways. This sub-species I speak of is the guy who is dying to get married. It makes no sense. It should be noted that I think getting married is wonderful, having children and settling down, all great stuff, if you meet the right girl and it happens. But these morons run around looking for a wife like they have a biological clock. This isn’t 1842 where midlife is 22 years old. You have some time, why are you going nuts looking to settle down? Not to mention, looking for a girl to marry this hard will almost guarantee you end up marrying the wrong person. Think about it this way. There are a few billion people on earth. One of those people is going to be the closest match for you in every way. Do you think you’re going to find that one person by looking? And likely looking within your town and the towns on either side of you. What are the odds of you finding the perfect woman within an 11 mile radius? This is something that you need to let happen on its own, organically. If it was a less serious decision, I’d say knock yourself out but you’re talking about the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, have standards. I actually came in contact with this subspecies and he managed to walk amongst me as a normal man until he began to reveal his true colors. I noticed that he began to show me pictures of him and the girl he was dating not followed by the statement, “and she gave me the best head of my life right after we took this picture.” He was showing them off with a twinkle in his eye like a proud dad showing pictures of his newborn son. I also noticed that he was constantly talking about quiet towns where he would like to live while I was talking about what I like a chick to wear while I’m boning her. This was all very strange but I knew something was truly awry when I had been present from the inception of one of his relationships. Three weeks after he started dating some chick he was talking about catering halls and how much it costs per person and per plate. My head almost exploded. It clicked that he was dying to get married and he had all the traits of not just a woman but a needy, clingy, nagging woman. I’m 31, why the hell are you talking to me about catering halls? Unless, there’s a google of naked women inside said catering hall waiting to sex me lifeless it could burn to the ground for all I care. I was truly disgusted by this and almost had a brain aneurysm when he told me I needed to hurry up. Why did I need to hurry up? Was my sperm going to swim away? Was I going to start menopause and nobody told me about it? This was the most abhorrent conversation I had ever had and I once purposely had a conversation about things that are abhorrent. Listen up marriage boy, stop saving up for kids you don’t have and investing in low yield mutual funds and buy a Ferrari because God knows you’re not gonna get laid with the current pair of balls, or lack thereof, that you’re currently working with. You’re an embarrassment to decent men everywhere who want nothing more than to have anonymous sex, drink scotch, and eat really big sandwiches.

Article By: Jon DaBove

Leave A Response »

400-101"> CCIE Routing and Switching Psalm 100-101 NKJV - A Song of Praise for the LORD's 70-410 C2020-703 70-412 Microsoft Real Exam Questions - 100% Free VCE Files 117-202 117-202 070-412 70-417 Microsoft 70-411 Practice Test : Pacifichem 2015 070-480 200-120 CCENT/CCNA ICND1 100-105 Official Cert Guide: 70-487 350-018 350-018 300-207 117-201 Download C9530-404 Exam PDF Questions Answers 4a0-100 70-243 352-001 352-001 117-202 CCNA Routing and Switching ICND2 200-101 Official Cert 4a0-100 600-199 070-410 Pass CISCO 300-115 exam - test questions 70-410 70-331 352-001 070-346 1Z0-060 70-417 C2090-930 4a0-107 JN0-643 210-060 SFC Engineering LLC | Microsoft 070-463 dumps Exam & 1z0-051 dumps Dumps 642-887 dumps 600-199 exam e20-690 dump 070-688 exam RCDD-001 400-351 vce h12-211 pdf Exam Test C2090-930 exam Questions VCE on Vimeo 102-400 exam 70-696 pdf 070-685 vce sk0-004 study guide 101-400 exam 1z0-061 dumps adm 211 practice exam 300-360 dumps 642-996 pdf 100% Pass Guarantee of Your 200-125 dumps 352-001 pdf 200-101 vce 200-310 pdf 100-105 dumps 210-260 pdf 642-732 pdf jn0-643 dumps 642-737 dumps 210-060 pdf 70-243 exam SAP c_hanaimp151 dumps Dumps 300-101 practice test 300-320 exam 300-070 vce 300-075 study guide ex200 study guide 300-115 dumps Cisco 400-101 pdf exam - Reliable IT Certifications Expert on Cisco sy0-401 pdf 101-400 1Z0-061 ADM-211 300-360 642-996 RCDD-001 400-351 H12-211 C2090-930 102-400 Best Lpi 101-400 certification practice 1Z0-061 ADM-211 300-360 642-996 200-120 Best Cisco 100-101 Questions And Answers 070-411 70-410 C2020-703 SK0-004 101-400 1Z0-061 ADM-211 Download 300-360 Exam PDF Questions Answers 350-018 070-410 70-410 100-101 642-747 642-996 300-360 CAS-002 Best Oracle 1Z0-061 IT Test 101-400 H12-211 400-351 RCDD-001 070-688 642-887 JN0-692 Cisco 642-035 exam questions with accurate answers 70-486 220-802 642-742 JN0-343 70-470 642-998 Download Cisco 810-403 Dumps 70-533 70-496 1Z0-047 98-366 500-260 100% Pass 642-732 Exam: Cisco 200-125 2V0-620 300-070 E05-001 JN0-360 300-070 Download VMware 2V0-620 Exams - Free VCE Exams For All 70-346 1Z0-060 1Z0-434 100-101 EX300 N10-006 640-916 HP0-S41 : Building HP Server Solutions Certification Training 70-461 070-346 300-206 HP0-S42 CCNP Routing and Switching ROUTE 300-101 Official Cert Guide 210-451 1Z0-803 EX200 70-532 70-534 210-060 210-065 300-075 300-115 CCDA 200-310 Official Cert Guide, 5th Edition - Cisco Press 300-320 200-125 SY0-401 210-260 352-001 70-411 70-243 70-413 70-331 Easy and Guaranteed 642-747 Exam Success 117-201 200-120 070-411 700-505 700-501 648-232 640-911 The Latest Microsoft 070-462 Exam Study Guide and Exam 100-105 117-201 C9530-404 070-480 70-487 300-115 PMP Best Cisco 300-075 Dumps - Palm United Methodist Church 210-065 210-060