Online Dating: Four Guys Tell The (Somewhat) Scary Truth

MMD April 1, 2014 0
Online Dating: Four Guys Tell The (Somewhat) Scary Truth

It’s hard to believe that when Al Gore invented the internet he would have ever imagined it would become the number one pick-up spot in the world but it has and it’s been that way for a while. When chat rooms were all the rage and the internet was just gaining momentum it was a relatively small community which made it fairly easy for to meet up or even have cybersex, remember that? But the internet has grown by leaps and bounds and instead of using it for the abundance of information available to us at lightning speed we’ve chosen to use it to find a husband/wife or just somebody to have sex with. There are a multitude of websites dedicated to helping people find their soul mate. Some claim they use proven methods to match you with the perfectly compatible mate, which I’m not sure how is possible but still millions and millions of people sign up and spend hard earned money to put up a profile describing themselves and waiting for the opposite sex to contact them. In other words, it’s basically a bunch of women looking for a husband or sex sifting through hundreds of e-mail from different men they’ve never spoken a word to or even seen in real life. I don’t have much experience with online dating so I can’t comment on it too much but I admit that my views on it are skeptical at best but somewhere there are happily married couples who met online. Say what you will about online dating, it is interesting, but like I said I don’t have much experience with it. To get the real scoop on picking up chicks on the web I sat down with Jimmy, a 25 year old record label A&R from Manhattan, Rick, a 28 year old construction worker from Westchester County, Tony, a 31 year old business owner from Brooklyn, New York, and Angelo a 30 year old stockbroker from Hoboken New Jersey. These guys really gave me the skinny on online dating and told me some stories you have to read to believe. Read the interview and decide whether or not online dating is for you.

MMD: Okay guys, all three of you have used online dating sites pretty extensively. Why not meet girls face to face? Why go on these sites?

Jimmy: Dude, it’s rough out there man. It’s tough to go up to a girl in a supermarket and ask for her number. On the site, it’s good, especially if you’re shy like me because the worst thing that can happen is she could say she’s not interested. The same thing goes for meeting a girl face to face but I’d rather get rejected from the comfort of my own apartment. (Laughs) But truth be told, I never saw like a long term thing coming from the sites. I always felt I’d meet “the one” in person.

Rick: I definitely agree with that. It’s easier but big picture wise it feels like something is missing when you meet somebody off the internet.

Tony: I feel the same way but I think it’s because of the experiences we’ve had that we feel this way.

Angelo: I’m not holding back, I straight up hate it.

MMD: Okay, so this opinion developed over time?

Angelo: It developed over time but for me it was pretty quick. Life is hard enough without disappointment after disappointment.

Rick: Oh absolutely, I gave it a real shot. I went on so many dates. I put up with so much online dating crap before I formed this opinion and what I think, and I know it’s probably not fair to make such a blanket statement, but it seems like everybody on these sites has some huge character flaw. It’s like a breeding ground for poorly adjusted people. (Laughs)

MMD: What kind of crap did you put up with? There’s crap besides bad dates?

Angelo: Bad dates are just the tip of the iceberg. (Laughs)

Tony: Bro you don’t even understand all the nonsense. It’s like a big mindfuck.

Jimmy: Like the phantom chicks.

MMD: What’s a phantom chick?

Jimmy: There are times when, for whatever reason, you’ll talk to a girl for a while before you meet. It could be that you’re both busy or that she’s getting comfortable with you or whatever. You’ll be texting all day, you’ll talk at night and then all of a sudden she’s gone. No texts, no calls, nothing and this isn’t a slow process. I’m talking like this happens overnight.

Rick: Yup, I’ve been there too. And you have this feeling of like, what the hell just happened? Because if you’re talking to somebody all day for weeks that feels like part of your life and they disappear and you might be confused and then it all settles in your mind and you realize, okay I’ve never even met this person. I don’t even know who they really are. It could have been anybody. It’s a little creepy honestly.

MMD: Speaking of not really knowing who you’re talking to, do a lot of people send fake pictures of themselves?

Angelo: For me, that was the main problem. It’s all so false. People don’t look at online dating as a way to grow their dating pool, they use it as a way to hide behind a computer screen and mask who they really are and when you get to the base of that idea it’s pretty fuckin’ scary.

Tony: Angelo is definitely right in a way. There are a few people who send just blatantly fake pics, like send you a picture of a Victoria’s Secret model but most just bend the truth in their favor. They’ll put up pictures from five years ago or they’ll put up the greatest picture that was ever taken of them and you look at the rest like whoa, I guess not. I think people who just send straight up fake pics are like the catfish and they probably have no real intention of meeting you. They just need to feel a positive connection with somebody and they take that route. They don’t think they can get the treatment they want as themselves but if they send a picture of some gorgeous blonde then the person they’re Catfishing will treat them as if they’re that person. You could tell now though. Common sense should tell you that somebody who’s really hot isn’t going to be throwing themselves at people on a dating site and we’ve all seen Catfish the show. You can do Google pic search and stuff.

Jimmy: Yeah absolutely, it’s like meeting a bizarro version of the picture. You’re thinking well I know it’s her but it’s not the her from the pictures. People definitely use their pictures to manipulate and hide things. I messaged a girl once because I thought she was really cute but then after we started texting she sent me some pics that looked like her but didn’t look like her. She wasn’t attractive to me at all. I’m not trying to be a shallow prick but misrepresenting oneself like that isn’t cool at all. Show what you really look like.

Rick: I’ll be completely honest; I put up honest pictures that aren’t my best so when she sees me she’s pleasantly surprised.

MMD: What’s the worst story you have about a woman in terms of her looks?

Tony: This girl sent me pictures and she was really pretty. We got along well so we decided to meet. I shit you not; this girl was 100 pounds bigger than her picture.

Angelo: I’ve had a bunch that were bigger than the pics. That’s a common one. I know I’m the most bitter one here but it’s just so annoying. Don’t take my choice away from me. Don’t mislead me. Present yourself as you are and let me make the call. I’m not going to be mean. I’m not going to insult your looks. But I can make my own decision.

Rick: I met one who sent me a picture that was probably 15 years old. She was a really good looking older woman but she was old enough to be my mom and then some.

Jimmy: The girl I was talking to was white and a black girl showed up for the date. I love black girls but that’s a pretty big lie and frankly just a weird thing to do because it served no purpose. It was just straight up Catfishing. I was pissed because she was hot.

MMD: None of this sounds appealing at all. What did you guys do in these situations?

Tony: You have to suck it up and just go on the date. Provided you don’t think she’s going to kill you, you just take her on the date and text her the next day and say you don’t think it’s going to work out.

Angelo: Unfortunately, Tony is right. You just take them on the date and fight through it. Try and find some common ground. I could have bought a Ferrari with what I spent on dates I wished I wasn’t on.

Rick: Yeah, I did the same thing. You just chalk it up as an experience, an experience that costs you time and money.

Jimmy: Mine was too big to let go so I had to ask. She came up with some excuse about how she really liked white guys but they don’t seem to like black girls. I told her I loved black girls and I wish she wouldn’t have lied. I couldn’t get past the lie. Like I said, she was smokin’ hot so it was a shame but if you can tell a lie that big what the hell else are you going to lie about?

MMD: Do you find that certain sites have a more normal selection of people?

Rick: There are crazy girls on every single one of these sites but the ones you pay for definitely have less.

Tony: There’s a very popular site that’s free, I won’t say the name but there are things wrong with everybody on there. It’s like a free for all of insanity. (Laughs)

Angelo: That site is like, people are seriously damaged on there bro.

Rick: All four of us know exactly which one he’s talking about too.

Jimmy: Yup, but the one thing I do give that site credit for is at least it’s fast and easy. Some of the paid sites are like joining the FBI, it’s a serious process.

MMD: So you’ve had your worst experiences on the free sites?

Tony: No actually, my worst experience, hands down was on a paid site but it was partly my fault.

MMD: How so?

Tony: This is one for the books. I met this girl on the site and she was off the hook gorgeous. Tall, brunette, and her body was insane. We talked on the phone for a couple of weeks and it was one of those things where we just clicked. When we met she was even hotter in person and really sweet. I was thinking it could be something. And this is how it was my fault, I ignored the red flags. She was like putting my hand down her pants and acting kind of loopy. All night she was all over me. It was a good date so we made plans for a second and she was gone, no texts, and no calls, just gone. I get a call like a week later from her and she said she felt like it was too serious and she got nervous so we agreed to go out and she stood me up. Then a month would go by and she’d call me again. We would have a fight, she’d call me pathetic and loser and all those names girls like to use and two days later she’d call me. But I entertained her which I shouldn’t have done. I let her get away with shit because she was so hot. Eventually, it all started coming out. She was addicted to Vicodin, she was abused, she used to sell drugs and it clicked in my head, like oh yeah it all makes sense. We hung out one last time on her birthday. The whole thing ended with some text fighting and her telling me she was pregnant and had a boyfriend. I literally have a library of naked pictures of this chick. I was like she must be stupid; I have enough naked pics of her to start my own website. She’s lucky I’m not that type of guy because she’s the devil and a lot of guys would have sent those pics everywhere. But the worst part of this whole situation is that she’s a teacher, like a full time teacher for little kids. That should have been done after the first date.

Jimmy: Did you keep the pics?

Tony: Of course!

Jimmy, Rick, Angelo anything that bad for you?

Rick: Not that bad but my worst was pretty fucking weird. I made a date with a girl who told me to pick her up at her apartment. It was a Park Avenue address but I’m thinking okay it’s probably an old rent controlled apartment or something. Nope, it was a three level apartment with an elevator that led right into her apartment. She was like old money. I had never been in a place like that. She has a chauffeured Rolls. When I tell this story I feel like I’m lying but I swear it’s all true. We go to an insanely expensive restaurant where she insists on paying with a credit card I had never seen before. After we eat she tells me she has a surprise so we go to another place on Park Avenue, a penthouse, it was incredible. Everybody was in tuxedos and evening gowns with those masks you hold up to your face. It was like the party in Eyes Wide Shut. I went to use the bathroom which I got lost finding and when I come back there’s an orgy going on and she’s getting banged by two guys and a chick. As I walk by she’s trying to grab me. I’m a grown man but I was freaked out. I ran out of there.

Tony: That doesn’t sound too bad. (Laughs)

Rick: It’s freaky when you’re in the situation though, you know? Let me tell you, in New York City, if you peel back enough layers you’re going to find some crazy shit.

Jimmy: That’s the truth. My worst or at least weirdest experience was with this Goth chick. When I tell you this girl was supermodel gorgeous I’m not lying. She was one of those hot, slutty, gothic chicks. When we met up she seemed cool. She wasn’t into like death metal or weird movies I’ve never heard of so I was thinking we were going to have fun. She takes me to this hole in the wall bar, if you can even call it that, somewhere in the Village and everybody is wearing capes and looking all strange but I ignored it, like us guys do, because she was so hot. We had a couple of drinks and we start making out. She’s kissing my neck and I feel like a seriously hard pinch. She looks at me and smiles and had fangs, vampire fangs, and my blood is on them, not a ton of blood like Blade or anything but she broke the skin bro. She broke the skin! I ran out of there quick. Just so everybody knows she wasn’t an actual vampire, just one of those vampire cult freaks. (Laughs) We’ve actually spoken and she’s a really nice person, she’s just a big weirdo.

Angelo: Here comes the bitter guy. (Laughs) My worst date permanently scarred me. I met a girl on the free dating site we mentioned early before and even on the phone she was always really sexual and freak but when we met up it was just insane. She was like “I want to get out of this car and suck your cock in front of everybody. I want you to shove it in my ass so they can see. You’re not using a condom”. She was nuts but the part that scarred me was she was rubbing my area, you know, and she was like, “Are you gonna rape me daddy? I want my daddy to rape the shit out of me. Spit on me daddy”. I put a stop to that immediately and hightailed it out of there. I don’t want to rape anybody or be anybody’s daddy. That’s disturbing to me.

MMD: So are you guys swearing off dating sites now?

Angelo: I am absolutely done!

Rick: I want to say yes but there’s always that weird attraction to it just to have a new experience.

Jimmy: I agree. I don’t have that hunting mentality I did when I first went on. I’m not actually on any right now.

MMD: Have you actually had any good experiences?

Tony: I’ve met some nice girls that just weren’t my type. They were definitely good girls though.

Jimmy: I’ve had good dates, just nothing that made me say wow, this is it. The vampire girls are pretty few and far between. It’s usually something small that turns you off. It doesn’t have to be so dramatic. Most girls you just go home thinking she was a little strange or just not your type.

Rick: In most cases it’s something smaller than our worst experiences. But that brings me back to what I was saying. I feel like internet dating attracts a certain type of person, somebody that is inherently flawed. Not to say I’m perfect or they’re not good people because those would both be lies but you have girls on there who are looking for an instant relationship. They want to meet and be walking down the aisle three months later. That’s not something you can hunt for. If you do it’s almost guaranteed you’re not going to find your soul mate or whatever you want to call it. And that’s such a common question on these sites, what are you looking for? Are you looking for something serious? My answer is always not really but I’d love to find the girl who can change my mind because she’d be pretty awesome. You just can’t look too hard and these sites are designed for looking hard.

MMD: If you guys were giving advice to other men out there in terms of what to look for, what some red flags are, and things like that, what would you tell them?

Rick: Wow, there’s a lot. I’m always cautious of girls who claim to be like diehard sports fans and they’re wearing jerseys and stuff in all of their pictures. I’m thinking to myself, Jesus, I was a starting quarterback all through high school and I couldn’t possibly give a shit less about sports. I’ll catch a game once in a while but by no means am I like this superfan. It makes me feel like they’re putting on a show. It makes me feel like they’re at their computer thinking to themselves ok guys like football, beer, monster trucks, NASCAR, and big tits so I’m going to say I love all of those things too. Just put the real you out there and let somebody like that person. Everything comes out eventually.

Jimmy: I’ve learned that when it comes to online dating, second chances can mean getting jerked around a lot so stay on your toes and if you see anything odd run for the hills man. If somebody takes your number and doesn’t call you that’s strange especially since they had no obligation to give it to you. If somebody gives you their number and you text them and they don’t answer then run away again. Just be on the lookout for odd behavior and don’t be too forgiving of it.

Tony: I totally agree with Jimmy. It’s a different beast because it’s online dating. You can’t treat it like you met face to face. People need to realize that it’s a different ballgame. And one thing that we didn’t mention is that the girls should follow these rules even more than the guys because we’re in danger of getting jerked around. A girl can just be in danger, period. I can’t even imagine some of the creeps on these sites so girls be careful with online dating. Make sure the guy is who he says he is. You don’t want to be put in a bad position.

Angelo: It’s unnatural to me in every sense of the word. That’s not how you meet a girl. My father went up to my mother in a café and asked her out on a date. That’s how people should meet each other, not on a computer. Stay off of them completely.

MMD: Ok, so overall, yay or nay for dating sites?

Angelo: The biggest nay I could possibly give.

Tony: Use them for fun but don’t take them too seriously.

Jimmy: I second that and get the confidence you need to approach women face to face. It just feels more natural. There’s no screen to hide behind.

Rick: I think for certain people it’s ideal. If you’re in your late fifties and looking for basically a friend to share life with it could be great. If you’re in your prime I think a more traditional route is the way to go.


Article By: Jon DaBove

Leave A Response »