Every guy, at some point in his life, has fantasized about or actually dated an older woman. There’s something extra hot about a beautiful 40-something year old woman who really takes care of herself. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s the experience and the confidence that comes along with it. These women didn’t start dressing sexy three months ago. They’ve been doing it for 20 years and have it down to a science from their gym toned bodies to their classy, expensive outfits. Along with that 20 years of experience looking sexy they also have 20 years of experience having sex so you can bet the bank than a woman over 40 is going to show you some things in the bedroom you’ve never seen before. Basically, the positives of dating an older woman are endless. To get the skinny on cougars we turned to experienced cougar dating expert and the Queen of the Cougar Jungle herself, Lucia. Lucia is an authority on cougars (yes, she is a cougar herself) and has appeared on countless media outlets including the Tyra Banks to tell the world all they need to know about the cougar lifestyle and more importantly to let guys know how we can get a Demi Moore of our own. Mens Mag Daily was able to chat with Lucia about everything cougars including the exact definition of a cougar (there’s more to it than you think), whether or not liking older women is a fetish, and of course she let us know why dating a cougar is awesome and the best places to meet them.
Lucia: I started as a dating and relationship expert. Tyra Banks happened to do a show on cougars and I was invited on. I had actually never heard the term cougar before. I found it really interesting so I decided to keep my eyes open for other cougar things. I was kind of first on the scene so a lot of media outlets kept calling me for my take on cougars and everything really started to snowball from there. I spoke at the California Cougar convention. I‘ve done some speed dating event for cougars. I was named “Queen of the Cougar Jungle”. I founded the Cougar Club in 2011 and it just snowballed.
Mens Mag Daily: We all know that a cougar is an older woman who dates younger men but can you give us like an exact definition? Does a woman become a cougar at a certain age? Does there have to be a certain amount of years between her and the guy she’s dating, how exactly does it work?
Lucia: The exact definition is an attractive, intelligent, in shape woman over 40 who looks younger than her age and prefers to date men at least ten years younger. That’s the official definition; there are a lot of myths about what a cougar is. A lot of people think a cougar is this unattractive woman sitting at the end of the bar with a cigarette dangling from her mouth on the prowl for these innocent young men. That’s just how the media kind of portrays a cougar because I’ve never seen that woman in my life. I’m sure that a few exist but that is not the definition of a cougar. The definition of a cougar has actually kind of expanded now. It can mean just a beautiful woman who is intelligent and in shape that dates guys her own age or younger and just has the confidence to kind of get out there and get what she wants.
Mens Mag Daily: So it’s basically a hot older woman?
Lucia: Yes, exactly, why didn’t I just say that? (Laughs)
Mens Mag Daily: Now when somebody is a cougar or a cub, it is considered a fetish or a preference? To me, it seems to have a very fetishistic aspect to it.
Lucia: It’s funny that you ask that because nobody asks the older man who is dating a younger woman if that’s a fetish. A fetish, as I understand it, is defined as needing an object or a certain type of person present in order to climax. That’s why I feel it’s a preference. The guy just prefers to date older women or he dates women of all ages but they don’t need an older woman in order to climax, it’s just a preference.
Mens Mag Daily: Ok, so I’m 31 and I’m still pretty immature but at 21 I was just an absolute raging moron. I was your typical, crazy 21 year old guy who partied constantly, I was insane. What can an older woman possibly get from a 21 year old man? I know the common thought would be that it has to do with sex and that a young guy might have more stamina but let’s be honest, a 21 year old guy’s sexual prowess usually leaves a lot to be desired.
Lucia: Well, actually, most cougars prefer to date 25 and older. It’s not like they’re just dating 21 year olds but if they do, not all 21 year olds are the same. There’s a mature 21 and an immature 21. The youngest I ever dated was 19. He was so mature for his age. The first time we spoke on the phone we talked for an hour and a half. If you’re an adult you know it’s pretty hard to have an hour and half long conversation with a 19 year old on the phone. We could have talked on the phone for another hour easily. Whereas. A friend of mine had a son who was 19 and I could have never had a long conversation with him. Part of it is the maturity of the guy and if there’s a connection, it doesn’t really matter what the age is. I guess part of it is sexual but they’re carefree, optimistic, they don’t have a lot of baggage, they have a lot of free time. If there’s an attraction there, it can work.
Mens Mag Daily: How much of a role does sex play in the cougar and cub relationship? I don’t know why, but to me it seems like sex would be a focal point.
Lucia: Sex plays a large part in all relationships. Sex is a big component however. A recent survey by a cougar dating site found that two thirds of the guys were looking for a causal relationship, however one third were looking for an actual relationship or beyond casual sex. I’m not saying that it always leads to marriage or a serious relationship but it is possible. It can and does happen.
Mens Mag Daily: Older men dating younger women forever and I think society vies it as him being the protector or the teacher, that she can learn something from him. Do you think that’s the case older woman dating a younger man?
Lucia: Yes, absolutely, younger men can learn a lot. A lot of younger men will say that their first sexual experience was with an older woman and they’re great lovers because of that experience. They can help them become better lovers. They can teach them how to be a gentleman, chivalrous, and just how to be a good guy overall. They can learn about finances, business, anything. That’s the appeal of an older woman. They have so much experience that a younger woman just doesn’t have. Just like the younger woman can learn from the older man the younger man can learn from the older woman.
Mens Mag Daily: In your personal experiences, have you often seen these relationships turn into serious, long term relationships?
Lucia: It’s not really about the age on the calendar, it’s about the connection. You can connect with anybody; you can connect with a person who is 80 years old. When two people meet, if there’s a sexual, romantic component to their attraction then why not? I run the Cougar Club on Facebook and a lot of couples have met on there and even gotten engaged as a result of meeting on the Cougar club. It’s definitely something that’s becoming more popular.
Mens Mag Daily: One thing I’ve thought about in terms of cougar and cub relationships is not so much the beginning because I can totally see why a 30 year old guy might be attracted to a 45 year old woman. But what about when he’s 45 and she’s 60, isn’t that going to be a problem?
Lucia: If you love the person then why would it change because they are past a certain age? A lot of these guys who like older women just prefer a woman who’s older than them so as long as she’s older that’s fine.
Mens Mag Daily: The only reason why I ask is because at 45 a man can be reaching his peak in a lot of ways in terms of his finances and career but wouldn’t a woman at 60 kind of be winding down in terms of her career and ambitions?
Lucia: I think it depends on the individual. I thought you were going to say in terms of looks. (Laughs) I was going to say look at Christie Brinkley. I realize there aren’t many of her now but there are a lot of women turning 40 and 50 who look amazing so we’re going to have a lot of Christie Brinkley’s walking around.
Mens Mag Daily: Does a man have to treat a relationship with an older woman differently than he would a relationship with a woman his own age or younger?
Lucia: Yes and no. No because she’s still a woman so there are still things you need to do. You still need to make the first move and do the chasing. You should also pay at least on the first date. A guy can’t think if she’s older that she’s going to pay. That’s not going to work. Older woman don’t have time for games. They like to keep things real and don’t put up with games. A guy has to be honest. You can tell her you like her and she’s not going to react the same way as a younger woman. There’s less drama with an older woman so there’s no need to lie. Just keep it real.
Mens Mag Daily: I see that as a major plus.
Lucia: Yeah, I mean she’s not looking to get married or have a baby. She just want some companionship and to have a good time.
Mens Mag Daily: With younger women it’s actually entirely based on playing games so that is refreshing.
Lucia: Right, and back to what you said about being with an older woman and her getting older. At least with her, you met her at 40 so you know what she’s going to look like at 40. If you’re dating a 25-or 30 year old you really have no idea what she’s going to look like at 40. We’re all shocked when we see women who were beautiful and completely change at 40.
Mens Mag Daily: How can guy go about meeting an older woman?
Lucia: There are three main places. One place is the gym because the cougars are all about the gym. You’ll pretty much see one at every gym. There are ways to approach somebody at the gym so you need to know what you’re doing. Bars, restaurants, and clubs are good. If they’re out, chances are they’re single. Just check their hand and make sure they’re not wearing a wedding ring. And then of course work is always a good place. Oh, and cougar dating sites are good too.
Mens Mag Daily: Okay, so to wrap things up, give us your information Lucia. Where can men find you to get more advice on dating cougars and find out what you’re up to?
Lucia: Well, my website is www.thecougarclub.co. The Facebook page is www.facebook.com/olderisbetter. We post pictures of beautiful women on there over the age of 35 from all over the world. It’s a great page.
Article By: Jon DaBove