We’ve all heard the expression, “It’s like a horrible train wreck. I want to look away but I just can’t.” And that expression is why television executives can have less talent and more time to do lines and try to bang D-list actresses. How so, you ask? Because that expression is the only logical explanation as to why people would watch reality television, which is, let’s face it, a stain on society. I mean, you all realize that reality TV isn’t a new concept right? It used to be called a documentary. For those of you who don’t know what that is, a documentary is reality TV that isn’t stretched out for 12 seasons sans the stupidity and delusion. This bastardized version of a documentary is a spit in the face of those who have filmed for years just to display a social injustice or even just something really interesting. I applaud documentarians for their passion for a certain subject, person, place, or event. See, reality TV represents everything that is wrong in today’s society. It gives those with no talent at all a platform to become famous. The fact that there are people out there who want to be famous for the sake of being famous disgusts me. It is one of the least noble qualities an individual can have. It also puts massive amounts of money into the pockets of people who will almost always do the wrong thing with it. And just to clear something up, charity isn’t starting a foundation with your name on it so you can seem respectable to the outside world. Charity is taking money directly out of your pocket and giving it to someone who truly needs it when nobody else is watching. Reality television shows the absolute worst in people, and not only do they show it, but it creates the situation that brings this behavior out leaving us with an entire generation of selfish, entitled, money-grubbing, and soulless little bastards. Lucky for you, MMD has come up with a few ideas for reality TV shows of our own. It’s when we write articles like this that we marvel at our own genius.
1. Dad Goes To Work: This gripping reality series would focus on a young father and husband who works two jobs to support his wife and kids. The main storyline? He’s trying to save up for a new muffler and a family vacation to Disney World. There are lots of twists in the plot however such as when the audience sees his wife cooking dinner and not being a complete whore.
2. Normal Girls: This reality show would document the lives of four girls who are working their way through college with their clothes on. All four go on dates that don’t end with pregnancy or STD’s. They will also maintain a GPA above 3.5 and will go home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. For the season finale nobody will twerk at all.
3. The Actual Businessman: This series will chronicle the day to day life of a man who was born into a lower middle class household and through hard work and perseverance was able to own his own business as opposed to being a billionaire real estate tycoon, who to hear him tell it, was practically homeless when in actuality he was born into millions in cash and real estate. He works twelve hour days, manages to spend time with his family, and when his business becomes profitable he doesn’t become an asshole.
4. I’m Not a Rapper: This show is a good one. It will follow around the two guys on earth that don’t have a rap demo and have no desire whatsoever to be rappers although they are fans of the music. One works at Kinko’s and the other is an auto mechanic. For the finale, they beat up two supermarket cashiers who try to sell them their “mixtape” by claiming it’s that “hot fiyah”.
5. I Don’t Want To Be a Reality TV Star: This particular show will chronicle interesting people who are being harassed by television executives who want them to have their own reality show. Regardless of how much money is thrown at them, they choose to keep their dignity and continue in their chosen professions. For the season finale these productive members of society will have the TV execs arrested for harassment and stalking.
Article By: Jon DaBove