Let’s face it – necrophiliacs get a bad rap. They are such a misunderstood and underrepresented minority. Society tends to look down upon them with disdain and disgust, as perverted sexual deviants. Their love making is considered a crime. In reality though, who are they really hurting? Necrophiliacs could be our mothers, our fathers, our brothers and sisters, our neighbors or our friends. Perhaps just lonely local morgue workers, or embalmers. Necrophiliacs have no voice, no one is out there advocating for their rights, marching for their equality and civil liberties. In fact, most people would rather have their dead body rot in the ground rather than donate it to necrophilia. Well, we’ve compiled this top ten list as to why life is better as a necrophiliac to help bring some awareness to their plight.
10. No buying your date dinner before banging them
Seriously, dating can get expensive! Necrophiliacs save ridiculous amounts of money on dinner dates. They also never have to pay for their dates entertainment – movie tickets etc. The reality is; Necrophilia will save you cash.
9. No awkward idle chit chat
How fucking awful are first dates?! I mean come on! Hours upon hours of tired banter, trying to feign interest as your date drones on about the weather, their job or their favorite Drake song. All you really want is to get in their pants. Necrophilia cuts out this whole awkward exchange.
8. Save a ton of money on date rape drugs
Let’s face it, no one wants to spend their hard earned money on roofies just to get their date in the mood. Corpses are always ready to go. Another win for necrophilia.
7. You can’t knock up a dead chick
Unwanted pregnancies are a pain in the ass. Dealing with abortion, or worse- actually raising children is costly, draining and time consuming. Unlike most birth control methods, necrophilia never lets you down.
6. No more rape accusations
We live in a rape culture. No one is safe from a rape accusation, it’s a huge problem. Corpses will never give a false accusation, nor will they rat you out if you are in fact a rapist. Necrophilia could help to end rape culture.
5. A decomposing body won’t reject you
Rejection hurts. Corpses don’t care if you’re hot or not. They don’t care what kind of car you drive, or what clothes you’re in. Necrophilia eliminates rejection, which increases self esteem.
4. Can cancel gym membership – no longer have the need to overpower anyone
Gone are the days of having to hold your date down or choke them out to bang them. Necrophilia saves time wasted at the gym and money on memberships.
3. Digging up bodies is great cardio
Now, you may no longer have to go to the gym, but you still want to stay heart healthy. Well digging up bodies is amazing cardio, while banging said dead body also gets the heart rate going. Necrophilia can be part of a healthy active lifestyle.
2. You never have to apologize for cumming too fast
Ejaculating too quickly can be an emotional nightmare. Necrophiliacs never have to apologize for cumming too fast, or too slow for that matter. Necrophiliacs can come whenever and wherever they want.
1. Fuck Viagra – Rigor Mortis!!
While this may be a more exciting phenomenon for the lady or gay necros, if you can catch it time, you’ve got hours, sometimes even days of fun ahead of you. As any seasoned necrophiliac knows – there’s nothing better than a stiffy with a stiffy!