Earlier this week, we received an email from one of our users, ‘Chad.’ Chad asks: ‘Girls never flirt with me. Whenever I think I’m getting hit on, it turns out that I’m wrong, and that the girl was just being nice, and I get rejected. Help!’
Chad, your main problem isn’t in distinguishing whether a girl is being nice or flirting with you, but rather in the way that you’re approaching women in general.
Here’s the main thing to remember, and it should be fairly obvious: every person is different. One woman’s ‘nice’ might be another woman’s ‘flirty.’ It’s almost impossible to distinguish flirty and nice in a general way. Having said that, I suggest being forward without being pushy.
If you sit back and wait for girls to flirt without you and be forward, you’re going to inevitably miss a lot of opportunities. It speaks to the fucked up gender politics we got going on in our society, but the truth is that men are expected to be the forward ones.
I firmly believe that ‘pick-up lines’ are total BS and almost never work. Something as simple as ‘Hi, I’m Chad, how’s it going?’ is good enough to open a dialogue with someone. Once you’ve started a conversation with someone, be casual, ask questions, and see what happens.
Its OK to be complimentary, but most women aren’t interested in cliché compliments like ‘you look really nice,’ rather, it’s more complimentary if you show real, legitimate interest in the things someone is telling you. If you seem desperate to flirt, or if you clearly are just making pointless small talk with the purpose of trying to bang her, most people can pick up on that pretty easily. Don’t be so transparent, you creep!
If she’s interested in continuing down a flirtatious road with you, there are some physical and verbal signs you can look for that will convey that she’s interested:
- Eye contact. If she seems distracted by your environment, or refuses to really engage you when you’re talking, she’s probably not interested.
- She asks questions: You shouldn’t be the only one asking questions. If she’s simply responding to your questions with one-line responses, she’s probably not interested.
- Physical contact: If she brushes your arm when she’s talking to you, or in general initiates physical contact, that’s a good sign.
- Laughing: In general women love a sense of humor. If she’s laughing at your jokes, then at least you got that going for you.
- She started the conversation: Not always a telltale sign, but if she went out of her way to start a conversation with you, you obviously intrigued her.
If your conversation is going well, and she is conveying some of the above signs, then take the plunge and ask her for her phone number! What’s the worst thing that can happen? If you’ve been nice and made her feel comfortable, she’s going to let you down real easy even if she’s not interested romantically.
And don’t forget, women are people! They aren’t there to dote on you and boost your self-esteem. If you’re seriously interested in someone, convey that to them!
Gil Powers is a blogger for Sex.com. He is the shortest/fattest man to ever play in the NBA and is an extremely, extremely, extremely underrated lover. Check out the Sex.com blog (www.sex.com/news) (NSFW) for more dating/sex advice.
Article By: Gil Powers
