Men are a simple bunch. We don’t want or need much. For us, communicating is easy because we just say what we want, there’s no guesswork. But over the years, society has become more complex and made women even harder to understand so we as men have had to tone down how direct we are with a woman as to be sensitive and not hurt her feelings. Even though we still say what we mean, there might be a deeper meaning behind it. That’s where I come in. I’m here to help the ladies understand exactly what their boyfriend or husband wants and means when he says something. This article should provide some good insight so pay attention and you’re likely to hold on to your man for a lifetime.
What A Guy Says: I haven’t had a day off in forever. I’m just going to sit around and relax all day.
What A Guy Means: My day off is not going to be spent taking you to the mall to shop for whatever ridiculous item it is you think you need. I’m going to sit in a room with the door closed and watch all three Matrix movies in a row. I might get up to use the bathroom but that’s it. If you enter this area please bring a really big sandwich and a beer. You may have sex with me but don’t expect much and let’s make it quick. God help you if you try and cuddle.
What A Guy Says: I’m really getting tired of driving around this minivan. It handles bad and it’s just lame.
What A Guy Means: There’s a 1968 Ford Mustang Shelby GT500 in the driveway as we speak. I traded in the minivan for it.
What A Guy Says: I’m not really in the mood to go to the mall today babe. I just hate the crowds.
What A Guy Means: I’ve never been in the mood to go shopping, ever. The crowds are the least of my concerns. At least if there’s a big enough crowd maybe there will be a stampede and they will trample me to death putting me out of my misery. I’ll probably take you shopping because I love you and I’m a nice guy but when I get fat because I ate 12 Cinnabon things while you were picking out a robe for two hours you should not complain and realize that it was your fault.
What A Guy Says: Sure, we can go see whatever movie you want.
What A Guy Means: I know I’m not going to win this battle so we can go see whatever stupid chick movie you want but you should fully expect me to take this as an opportunity to get you to perform sexual acts in public due to boredom. There’s a good chance I might even cut a hole in the bottom of the popcorn bucket and insert the old wang in there.
What A Guy Says: Oh, you got new pajamas? They’re nice.
What A Guy Means: You’re 26 years old and we’ve been together for a year. Are you really giving up already? My grandmother wears sexier things to bed and she’s 87 years old. As a matter of fact I wish she was here right now so she could make me a snack.
What A Guy Says: Hey, how was your day? Having a glass of wine? Nice.
What A Guy Means: Is the first thing I have to see as soon as I walk in the house you drinking from a 57 liter box of Pinot Grigio? You already have that stupid drunk face and it’s 5:45. I’m telling you now; you’re three sips away from being placed in a rehab facility.
What A Guy Says: She’s okay. She’s definitely not as cute as you.
What A Guy Means: Do I think she’s hot? You’re showing me a picture of Jessica fucking Alba. I don’t care if you need validation and if you do why would you pick one of the hottest women on the planet? I would bang her 78 ways from Sunday and throw you out of a Boeing with a faulty parachute if I could. You can’t be serious right now.
What A Guy Says: Baby, he’s my best friend; I have to go to his bachelor party in Vegas. You know me; I’m totally not into the stripper thing.
What A Guy Means: Bros before hos. I’m going to lose tons of money and will be sober for about 4 minutes out of the three days I’m there. Also, I am totally into the stripper thing.
What A Guy Says: No, I’m definitely not mad.
What A Guy Means: If there is one adjective that can perfectly describe what I am right now, it is mad. Nobody needs two pairs of $800 dollar shoes, ordering Chinese takeout is not considered cooking, it’s impossible that a human being have a headache every night for six weeks straight, and I hate your flamboyantly gay best friend Tyrell.
What A Guy Says: Babe, you are being totally illogical right now.
What A Guy Means: Where is my tracksuit and white Ford Bronco?
Article By: Jon DaBove
