We received another e-mail from one of our users today asking for some dating advice. ‘KobeFan’ asks: ‘Is it OK to have sex on the first date, or should I wait until the 3rd date? When is it OK to have Sex for the First Time?”
That’s a good question KobeFan, and an important one. Most people enjoy having sex and are eager to explore a sexual relationship with their new partner. But here’s the thing: it’s hard for me to give a precise answer because it TOTALLY depends on the particular situation you’re in.
There are no clear-cut rules about when you should have sex and that’s the first thing you have to remember. I’ve been in situations where having sex on the first date was perfectly acceptable and things worked out amazingly. I’ve also had situations where my partner and I have waited until we’ve gotten to know each other a little better and were comfortable, and that was also great.
Having said that, here’s a simple rule that I like to follow: you should never go into a situation EXPECTING to have sex, unless you feel like being disappointed all of the time. I know, it sucks, but it’s the truth.
Sex isn’t something that you should ever feel entitled to, but there’s an easy way to figure out how long you should wait: talk to your potential sex partner and figure it out!
If you try to establish a firm ‘schedule’ of when you SHOULD be having sex, someone’s going to end up feeling uncomfortable. One or both people are going to end up feeling undue pressure and stress about the sex situation, and stress is something you never want to be associated with your sex life.
Let things flow naturally, and wait until the right moment. There’s no rush. On the other hand, don’t put off having sex with your partner just because you think it’s what’s expected of you. If sparks are flying and there’s a strong connection on the first date, than there’s absolutely no harm in having sex right away.
Remember to ALWAYS get consent in sexual situations. Once you’re kissing your partner, things are getting a little hot and heavy, and you’ve started touching each other, its perfectly acceptable (and necessary!) to slow things down for a second and make sure the other person is comfortable with the way things are developing.
It might seem embarrassing or not very sexy to talk to a potential sex partner about having sex, but its better than getting your hopes up, becoming physically aroused and then realizing that the other person isn’t comfortable with having sex at that particular time.
I hope that I helped you with your concerns, KobeFan.
Gil Powers is a blogger for Sex.com. He is the shortest/fattest man to ever play in the NBA and is an extremely, extremely, extremely underrated lover. Check out the Sex.com blog (www.sex.com/news) (NSFW) for more dating/sex advice.
