The idea of being upset and depressed when a girl breaks up with us is actually pretty ridiculous. Here we have a woman who we’ve been devoted to and treated well and she’s telling us we’re not good enough to be a part of her life. It’s very insulting and if anything it should bring about feelings of anger or indifference but we’ve all been broken up with and that’s not the case. The toughest of men, from gangsters to heavyweight champs, aren’t immune to the pain a woman can inflict upon a man. We get depressed, sad, and although I am ashamed to say it we are confronted by all sorts of feelings and emotions. We mope around, we call our mothers way too much, and we basically lose a large part of our masculinity. But sitting around looking at pictures and talking to our mom isn’t going to help any. That’s not the road back. We as men need certain things in our lives when we’re going through a break-up to make sure getting over it is a fast process and we do it with masculine dignity. Here are the things every man needs while going through a break-up.
1. His Single, Most Misogynistic, and Anti-Relationship Friends: Your married friends and the ones who are in serious relationships are just going to be annoying in this situation. They mean well but they’ll make it seem like the end of the world, only adding to your depression. You need your friends who will act as if you should be celebrating because the relationship is over. You’ll feel better as you watch them proposition women for sex 5 minutes after they meet them and let rejection roll off of them like water off a duck’s back. They will also insult the shit out of your ex-girlfriend and point every single negative thing about her which will also make you feel great. These guys will also make the single life look appealing again which will help you get out of the dumps that much quicker.
2. Food: It’s called comfort food for a reason, it’s comforting. Bust out the ice cream, wings, cake, and whatever else it is you love. You don’t need to drink soy milk anymore because your girlfriend is gone. Get the whole milk out my friend and the Oreos. Be a fat bastard for a few days and watch the Godfather, Goodfellas, and The Sopranos while doing it. Pick up three steaks from Outback and have a Netflix binge. I guarantee you’ll feel better.
3. Family: Your family always has your back and when you’ve been dumped they’ll still have your back. Leave it up to your mom, grandmother, aunt, sister, or cousin to tell you that you are way too good for that girl and that it’s her loss. They’ll give you the “plenty of fish in the sea” speech and do it with the gentleness that only a female family can. Before you know it, you’ll be convinced that this girl made a mistake and you’re going to find someone better.
4. Chicks: The best way to get over a chick is with another chick. Try and stay away from anything too heavy. Find girls who are just looking for a good time and not likely to bring you any drama which at that point you’ll need like a hole in the head. Don’t be a dick about it but sex your problems away. Make sure you keep it light. Don’t kick her out of your house the minute you’re finished but keep it easy breezy. Just knowing that other chicks want you is going to make you feel like a champ again.
Article By: Jon DaBove
