In an episode of Boardwalk Empire, character Eli Thompson said, “I can go down to the five and dime, get myself a joke book and then I’ll be the talk of the town.” While that statement is a little exaggerated its sentiment rings true. If you spend your time entertaining clients having a joke or two ready is never a bad idea. You can use it to break the ice or just to keep the party going. After a few drinks, everything is funny and everybody appreciates somebody who makes them laugh. Mind you, don’t make an ass out of yourself and show everybody your Vaudeville routine but keep in mind that a well-placed joke can be invaluable. You always want to stay away from any jokes involving race or religion. Blonde and lawyer jokes are usually a hit as well as any joke that pokes fun at the lady folk. Here are a few to get you started.
Joke #1:
Why can’t a blonde dial 911?
She can’t find the 11.
Joke #2:
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians in a room with 50 lawyers?
100 people who don’t do dick.
Joke #3:
What do you call the space between Pamela Anderson’s breasts?
Silicon Valley.
Joke #4:
A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband’s best friend.
They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it’s the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
“Hello? Oh, hi… I’m so glad that you called. Really? That’s wonderful. Well, I’m happy to hear you’re having such a great time. Love you, too. Okay, bye.”
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, “Who was that?”
“Oh,” she replies, “That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he’s having on his fishing trip with you.”
Joke #5:
A young man sits down at a bar and says, “I want six shots of Jägermeister.”
“Six shots!?” exclaims the bartender, “Are you celebrating something?”
“My first blow job,” replies the young man.
“Well, in that case,” says the bartender, slapping him on the back, “let me give you a seventh on the house.”
The man holds up his hand, “No offense, sir. But if six shots don’t get rid of the taste, nothing will.”
Joke #6:
Two lawyers are walking down the street, when a beautiful woman walks by.
“Boy, I’d like to screw her,” says one lawyer.
“I agree,” says the other.
“But out of what?”
Joke #7:
What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A $100 bill.
Joke #8:
What do you call 40 guys watching the Super Bowl?
The Chicago Bears
Joke #9:
A guy goes to the eye doctor. In the middle of the exam, the doctor tells him, “You need to stop masturbating.”
The guy replies, “Why Doc? Am I going blind?”
The doctor says, “No, but you’re upsetting my nurse and me.”
Joke #10:
A guy goes to a $5 hooker and gets crabs. He goes back the next day to complain. She laughs and says, “What did you expect for $5? Lobster?”
Article By: Jon DaBove
