Okay so I’m watching Blackfish, you know, the documentary about the killer whale that kept eating the Sea World trainers. There are all these people giving interviews for an hour and a half about how sad it was when the trainers died and about how Sea World is responsible for letting the whale continue to perform despite the fact that it had eaten seventy eight people. What’s funny to me about the whole situation is these people were acting as if this is a problem that should be worked on. Here’s how you should work on it you fucking imbeciles. Don’t put a fucking killer whale in a fucking pool and send people in to ride on its fucking back! Are you shitting me here? This should have been the shortest documentary in history. They should have showed the whale eating a human being and then put a message on the screen that said, “Whales eat people when they swim with them”. Fin. I mean for the love of fucking Mike why is this a hard concept to grasp? Being in the same water as a killer whale isn’t even one of those adventurous things that makes you cool, like riding a Harley for example. At least you’ll get a blowjob out of that. “Ooooh, look at that hot guy in a spandex suit feeding a whale fish guts. He’s so hot, I want his cock”, said no woman ever. It’s unnatural to swim with whales. It’s not where people belong. If a killer whale was walking down the street in fucking Times Square we would call the National fucking Guard in and they would murder it in cold blood so why is it such a surprise when some idiot asking a whale for a high five gets eaten? I can’t be alone here. Yes, I understand that whales are beautiful and majestic. You know when they look especially majestic? When you’re looking at them through fucking binoculars from 5 miles away, on land. You know why? Because there’s no chance of them eating you. There are so many levels of stupidity going on here I’m not even sure where to place the blame. Sea World should take 90% of the blame, even though they take none, because they thought of this stupid concept to begin with. In my eyes, the dimwits at Sea World are right on par with a Carnivale in 1930 where they would charge the ignorant masses 10 cents to see a poor deformed kid who was given the catchy nickname of “Seal Boy”. Holy shit, these pricks are dumb. 5% of the blame goes to the trainers for pursuing such an idiotic career. You guys should have all become ski instructors. And the final 5% goes to the douchecock American public who flock to these fucking places like the water fountains spout out Glenlivet. You fucking morons get like 9 days off per year and you decide to spend it watching a dolphin drag some idiot around on his fin? You could have gone to see Mount Rushmore or the site of the JFK assassination but noooooooo let’s be fat Midwesterners and eat corn dogs chased by a gallon of soda and stare at overgrown fish. Who needs to see Rome, Paris, or New York City when you can be splashed by water a whale had been pissing into for the last 3 decades? In conclusion, I feel bad for the trainers who died and semi-bad for the whales that are held in captivity. Seas World and the people who frequent it are ridiculous and all whale to human contact should be ended, is it that fucking hard folks?
Article By: Jon DaBove
