You’re heading out with guys for a night on the town. Few things in life are more pleasurable. The goal? To get as drunk as possible and to hook up with chicks. In order to have the best possible time, there are a few things you have to do ahead of time like get your car washed, hit the ATM, get a haircut, and remove that terrible beard that makes you look like a yeti. Most importantly you have to look sharp. Being well dressed in a bar or club is mandatory. You have to stand out without being flashy and you have to look the part of a confident, Jay Gatsby like gentleman, okay old sport? See what I did there? Here are a few do’s and don’ts that will assure you a great night out. Follow these five rules and I can all but guarantee that you will at attract a couple of ladies or at least they won’t throw a drink in your face.
1. Place the yellow, purple, or neon green bedazzled t-shirt with skulls and snakes on it directly into a blazing fire. Can’t find a blazing fire? Start one because there is absolutely no reason to wear this shirt whatsoever. It’s gaudy. It’s immature. And it’s not classy at all. Worst part of it? Every girl in the place will be thinking just that.
2. I don’t care if you’re the King of the freakin’ universe; you are never to wear sunglasses in a club. Why, you ask? Because there is no practical reason for you to be wearing them so you just have them on because you think they look cool. Every girl will see you coming, grab her friend, and run away before you get to her. Save the Ray-Bans for the beach. There’s nothing worse than trying too hard and sunglasses indoors is the epitome of that.
3. Stop wearing striped button downs for the love of Mike. This was a trend like 8 years ago. It has long been over. Even the guys who started the trend don’t wear them anymore. You couldn’t begin to understand the intricacies of wearing a striped button down so just stay away completely. As far as you’re concerned striped button downs are persona non grata (or clotha non grata?). Besides looking like a douche, when you and 5 of your friends are all wearing one you look like a fucking optical illusion and are more likely to give a girl a seizure than anything else. Stick to a solid color. You’ll look sharper and you’ll stand out from the crowd. Want to jazz it up? Wear a French cuff shirt. Cufflinks are always a classy touch.
4. Fitted or tailored is good. Tight however is very bad. Do you really want to approach a chick in a shirt that fits you like you bought it at the Children’s Place? I don’t care how much you work out or how diesel you fancy yourself, it won’t matter because you’ll look like a buffoon. Rule of thumb: Unless you’re an abnormally small dude a man should never wear anything less than a size Medium and Large is preferred. People can tell that you work out without you wearing a shirt that looks like it was vacuum sealed on.
5. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a guy in a nice fitted polo shirt, cool pair of jeans, nice watch, only to look down and see that he’s wearing the most filthy disgusting sneakers I’ve ever seen in my life, grass stains on them and the whole nine. Wearing sneakers to go out is a sensitive subject that only a truly well-dressed man can understand. To be honest, it takes years to master so I’m just going to give you one tip and we’ll work on it more as time progresses. Never wear an athletic sneaker out, it has to be a casual shoe such as the Nike Air Force 1. And you better make sure they are spotless, preferably straight out of the box new.
Article By: Jon DaBove
