MMD September 23, 2014 0

About 6 months ago, I hadn’t heard from my cousin for a couple of days. He wasn’t even picking up his phone. I decided to go to his house and when I walked in all I saw was the glow of a television in the dark and I heard faint voices in the background. As I walked further in, I heard my cousin’s voice a little louder but it sounded as if he was talking to a lot of people. When I finally got to his room what I saw was frightening. There he was, unshaven and filthy, pizza and Chinese food boxes surrounding him. The room was all musty and he sat there looking like he was going through heroin withdrawal with a stupid headset on and a controller in his hand. This was easily one of the saddest things I had ever seen. Even worse, it’s not just him. There are millions of guys from ages 8 to 50 sitting around for days on end playing video games. I’m not saying it’s not fun to play a little NBA Live while you’re pre-gaming before you go out but if you get to the point where it dominates your life, there’s a problem. If you’re one of these guys you can’t possibly understand why shooting zombies for a week straight, only taking breaks to pee and masturbate to internet porn, is a bad idea so I’m going to break it down for you.

1. There’s No Money In It: What the hell are you gaining from playing video games? You could be doing more productive things like furthering your career or working overtime. If you add up all the hours you spend playing video games you could have probably had a second job which would have brought you money which you could in turn have spent on anything from clothes, to broads, to booze, to a dope vacation. Do you see my point here? Use your time more wisely and get money.

2. It Can Seriously Hurt Your Education: I had a buddy in college who missed two finals in one day because a new video game had come out and he lost track of time because he was in a stupor in front of his TV playing it. By the grace of God, the professors let him make them up but that was only because he made up some stupid story about his grandmother being in the hospital. If I went by his stories his grandmother would have died about 71 times. Seriously, anything this distracting that has no benefit whatsoever is not something you need in your life.

3. You’ll Be Out Of Shape: Did you ever read that article in Men’s Health about how playing video games for 96 hours straight is really good for your health? Oh, you didn’t? That’s because it doesn’t exist. Being stationary for that long is bad in every possible way. You’re getting no exercise. You’re sitting in the dark. It’s depressing. You should be at the gym or out running miles. If you told me you skipped the gym to go get laid then okay, I completely understand but if it’s to play 007 on your old Nintendo 64 then I call foul my friend. Please turn the console off and hit the gym before you have a stroke.

4. Women Hate Them: “Oh yeah baby, the way you hold that controller makes me so wet. You just beat a level? God, I can’t take it, give me that cock”, said no woman ever. Women are not into video games bro. I don’t care how many female voices you hear on your little headset, trust me, the percent of women who play video games on a regular basis is very, very small. I know there are a bunch of you out there that turn down sex so you can spend another hour on the PS3 and you my friend have hit the bottom of the barrel. If I knew you personally I would stage an intervention.

5. Only Other People Who Play Video Games Can Relate To You: Video games can only be spoken about with other people who play video games. It’s not relatable. Other hobbies, even if another person isn’t personally into them, can be interesting. You can talk about a book you read to somebody and it can be interesting. You can talk about astronomy, astrophysics, botany, anything. You can have a conversation with somebody about something they don’t know except video games. Think about it, if you were to engage somebody who doesn’t play video games about video games it would sound something like this, “Yeah so I was controlling the little guy and I picked up a magic gun and then I shot zombies with it, it was totally badass.” Put yourself in that poor person’s shoes, it’s horrible. You’re not even talking about real life. You might as well wear a sign that says, “I’ve never had sex but I love my Xbox.” Do something real, something that people can relate to. Read a book, it’ll keep your brain active and you won’t be such a social spastic.

Article By: Jon DaBove

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