My interest in speaking with Zoey Holloway began when I read a short interview that showed a woman who had been through a lot in life. My first thought was that the pictures didn’t match the story. How could such a stunningly beautiful and statuesque woman have been through so much? I watched a couple of her scenes and again all I saw was a confident and sexy woman who was in control of everything around her. She had entered the adult industry in her early forties, an age when most adult actresses have been retired for fifteen years. My interest was officially piqued at that point. I had to know exactly what she’d been through, how she’d gotten through it, and whether or not that confident, in-control woman I saw in pictures and scenes is who she really is. It took a little finessing but the lovely and very sweet Ms. Holloway granted me an interview. She was open, candid, and went deep; giving me everything I wanted to know.
Mens Mag Daily: You have the type of past that the general public associates with adult performers. You were sexually abused. You didn’t have much of a childhood. Would you say that these events are directly related to you becoming a pornstar? More specifically, had these events not occurred, would you have taken a different path?
Zoey Holloway: No, I would not say those events are directly related to my choice to work in AE, although had those events not occurred I like to think my life would have greatly differed. I like to think had I been given any sense of encouragement to pursue my inner talents or at least made to feel wanted, like my life mattered, I may have walked an entirely different path in life. I also must add that in my late 20’s I experienced past life regression which lead to a lot of reading about reincarnation. I say this because this thought process that I chose my young path, my parents to be born to, etc. resonates with me and brought me peace that I lived through what I did for a higher reason.
Mens Mag Daily: You were pregnant at a young age. What does being sexually abused do to a young girl’s sexuality? Did it lead to a sort of rampant promiscuity?
Zoey Holloway: I speak from my own experience only, what the abuse did to me was hinder my ability to think I had worth. I feel as though I had to earn my right to breathe on this planet. I felt as though the one thing that should have been my decision to share was taken away and it is something that can absolutely not be given back. I had a heavy religious influence in my life from age 12 through early 20’s. I had the knowledge that my childhood was nothing like those I grew up with. As far as promiscuity, I lived in fear of being separated from my siblings into different foster homes so I tried to keep my nose clean. It was challenging, the religious influence to be pure and chaste yet that was technically removed at a very young age so I felt I needed to be as opposite of the hormones that were calling to me as possible to somehow feel as though I did belong in the same group of people I was surrounded by. I did fall in love with a boy and that is how I became pregnant at a young age. I had a crush on him for years but didn’t begin dating him until I was 17, became pregnant at 19.
Mens Mag Daily: I would assume that being hurt by men so early on would cause a woman to have a hatred towards men but at the same time seek their approval, did you lean in one of those directions in terms of your feelings towards men?
Zoey Holloway: I got asked a similar question quite often when I worked as an exotic dancer. My answer back then was there are just as many bitches as there are dicks in this world. I could see how my experience could turn me away from men or give me daddy issues but I also had no maternal influence either which led me to be as independent as I could. I was a strong survivor but did not even realize this until maybe my mid to late 30’s. I never dated older men or found them attractive although as I have grown I can see the appeal of an older man. I questioned my curiosity of women and what a relationship with one might be like. I think I mainly sought out love. I wanted to feel accepted in all my quirks and melancholy, introverted nature. I have been heavily attracted to both men and women throughout my life but long term relationships have been with men. As far as seeking acceptance, for much of my life I have an inner take it or leave it attitude with the exception of those I feel an emotional connection with. Of course as a teenager and in my early twenties I did let the opinion of others affect me much more than I should have.
Mens Mag Daily: What was it like being pregnant at a young age in a place like Utah, largely known for its Mormon population and kind of rigid beliefs against that sort of thing?
Zoey Holloway: I was pregnant in CA and then moved to Utah after becoming a mom. I was still involved in the Mormon religion then and was whispered about and shamed of course. Those experiences began the questioning of the religion and ultimately my decision to have my name removed the records of that church. I have the attitude of if it makes you happy and harms no one then by all means do what you do but don’t try to convince me of your truth for I have my own. In fact part of the process of having my name removed from church records involved interviews in which I told the interviewee that he needed books on a shelf to tell him what he should believe while I chose to believe my own intuitive guidance from my heart. I said, do you not understand if I do not believe in your religion then I will not suffer your consequences in my decision to leave it? He was trying his hardest to intimidate me and with that answer he became quiet and signed my paper so I could proceed to the next interview. Still may be the smartest thing I ever said to anyone.
Mens Mag Daily: You spent time in college. You took college classes. What do you think prevented you from following that path and being an accountant or a writer?
Zoey Holloway: Money, the ability to study properly and the belief in myself I was smart and deserved to be educated. I was told by someone who has a master’s degree in education that it wasn’t that I was stupid, it was that I did not properly regurgitate the information taught in class back to the professor. She said it was a skill in itself and some people have book smarts, others have street, I had street. I never learned how to study. Looking back I believe I had dyslexia as well as probably a slew of other possible learning challenges. My mind was still trying to heal, my body was trying to heal and it wasn’t until many years later, learning of the energies and aura of our bodies that I realize my nervous system was so out of whack from the childhood abuse, how could I possibly concern myself with school work? Again, it’s just my experience as a very sensitive person.
Mens Mag Daily: When you moved out to Los Angeles, you actually went with the intentions of being a mainstream model and actress. Was it just the grind of that life that led you away from it?
Zoey Holloway: It was the rejection from every agency I walked into. I did have a couple experiences that were pretty incredible but those will be saved for a book should I ever have the desire to tell all of this crazy life. A girl has to make money to live so yes, the grind of life took over.
Mens Mag Daily: You did the stripping and the massage parlor thing which were new to you. What were those experiences like for you?
Zoey Holloway: Again, for a book. I would be lying if I said either were a pleasant chapter of my life, terrifying is the more appropriate word. Looking back I should have bypassed stripping and just got into porn. Being on stage in a G-string frightened me much more than any shoot I have performed for AE.
Mens Mag Daily: At what point did you get into porn and how did it happen?
Zoey Holloway: I was heavily in debt and was searching for a way to pay it off as soon as possible. I got into porn to make money. A girl was offended on set when I gave that same answer as to why I got into porn, for the money. I was like, “You’re nineteen, come back to me when you’re 45 if you’re struggling financially and let me hear you want to do sex work because you still like sex and don’t care about the money.” I saw the adult industry as a business to learn and accomplish my goal of being debt free as well as being able to start setting aside for retirement. I researched companies and did my fair share of purchasing porn way before considering it for a job. I also had the rationalization that I had been giving sex away to so many undeserving people for years. It was time to get something back, money and a chance at a better life as well as the possibility of getting paid to do a job that could be fun.
Mens Mag Daily: Again, porn was something new for you. What was it like getting thrust into the adult industry? Were you nervous? Did you feel like you belonged?
Zoey Holloway: I researched agencies, contacted one, sent pictures, was accepted, bought a plane ticket to Los Angeles and kept my goals in sight. I was nervous but oddly less nervous than the first time I stripped. I felt like it was so simple as far as having sex on camera. The only part I was conscious of or made conscious of was to keep open for the camera. As other performers have said how camera man and crew sometimes disappear when into the performance is how I felt. There is much to learn on most every set and each time I was booked I made it a point to observe and make mental notes. I had written goals before entering the business but life has its way of steering one in a different direction so I wanted to be open to learning as I went in not knowing what might be useful in the future. I have drifted in and out of sex work for many years in a few different capacities and I must say I did feel more ‘at home’ in adult related work than any so called, real job. The people who work in AE, strip clubs and even massage parlors are much more down to earth and often some of the more spiritual people I have encountered.
Mens Mag Daily: I’m not an avid porn watcher but I have seen a couple of your scenes and you really command attention. You’re obviously stunningly beautiful but you seem to exude this confidence that is so noticeable. Why is that?
Zoey Holloway: Wow, really? Well thank you but I do not know. I suppose it’s good acting? I enjoy very much being given a role to play with some background as to why this character is that way and then becoming that person is a really amazing experience. If I am told what I need to play, I am confident I can play a helluva lot more than my certain MILF roles in AE. The acting bug is kind of silent for now though and other interests are occupying my time.
Mens Mag Daily: You were considered one of the most breathtaking and best performers in the business. When you made the decision to do porn was that your objective?
Zoey Holloway: I touched on this earlier but my main objective was to pay off some years of accumulated debt and save for a house as well as retirement which none of the other jobs I had held seemed to provide an income necessary for my goals. As I had stated that it is weird how life is steered in different directions than planned, I worked as a topless only stripper with the exception of a couple nights in full nude. The reason I would only dance topless is because I really did not want people to see my, well, you know, (Laughs) my vagina. I had this idea that I could be almost nude, dance and make money but still have something left to mystery. I had no problem being naked; I think the body is an incredible vision to behold in some instances. I did not view myself as someone desirable enough to be filmed spread open but never the less it happened. I swallowed my fears and said, fuck it. I promised a girl friend who knew I was getting into the industry that I would not get the labia surgery or bigger implants, that whatever was said about my girly stuff would not make me change myself in any way. I did have some fucked up comments made about my vagina and ‘cute little boobies’ but just shrugged it off. You know what? I am the one going to the bank and extremely satisfied I endured long enough to reach my goals.
Mens Mag Daily: Overall, would you say you enjoyed your time in the adult industry?
Zoey Holloway: Overall, I have met some wonderful people with a choice few who I carry in my thoughts.
Mens Mag Daily: Were there any experiences you had in the industry that were negative?
Zoey Holloway: Of course, I got into this business at 42, broke, with bad tattoos I was told and also was said to me “Who the hell gets into this business at your age?” I had my reasons and I remained focused. I’ll save the remainder of this answer for a book I may write someday.
Mens Mag Daily: When we spoke you said you don’t have much to do with adult entertainment anymore. Are you completely retired and is it for good?
Zoey Holloway: I still shoot for the sites my fiancé and business partner and I created. I do not foresee shooting for any other companies again.
Mens Mag Daily: Since you’re not as active anymore, how are you spending your time? Are you working on projects outside of the industry?
Zoey Holloway: This summer was spent fixing up our fixer upper which is still under quite a lot of construction. I do have a children’s book written that is awaiting my new space to have a floor and furniture in it so I can sit and assemble the book from my heart. There are also other goals upon the print and release of the children’s book that need more research and planning. I have also written poetry off and on for many years which I will publish as soon as I can assemble it into something presentable. I am shooting for the next month, or should I say producing, with some shooting thrown in for SexPOV.com, and then a site we are still gathering content for and will launch either this winter or next spring; stepmomfun.com. My fiancé owns and manages JerkOffInstructions.com, which I also shoot for on occasion.
Mens Mag Daily: As of now, today, would you say that you’re happy in your life?
Zoey Holloway: I would say more days I wake up with peace inside than not. I’ve not ever been a ‘happy’ person. I have my moments but overall I would say a good portion of the inner demons have silenced and this makes me happy.
Article By: Jon DaBove
